Life Sucks and You End Up Rotting-Andley

I smiled to myself as I pulled on my tightest pair of ripped skinny jeans I had. I cringed as I had to look in the mirror to put on foundation and eyeliner. My eyes were ringed several times with black eyeliner. My blue eyes stood out drastically. I brushed out my hair before I flat ironed it and parted it to where it covered my eyes. Who wanted to look at them anyway? I slipped on a tight, long sleeved shirt. It was black as well. I pulled a scarf out of my drawer. It was gray. I needed some color, right?
I put my shoes on which just happened to be black Vans. I chewed on my painted fingernails as I checked my phone for the time. It was twenty minutes until six. Twenty minutes until the party started. Twenty minutes until I had to prove I was worth being with to my best friend. Twenty minutes I had until my life would surely be over.
My phone vibrated, and it was a text from Sandra, she wasn't going to Ashley's party. So that left, CC, Jinxx, Jake, Kina, and of course Ashley. I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be a fun party, or even if it would be a party at all. I grabbed a jacket, this was black, but it was Alkaline Trio, so it was okay. I chewed on my lip ring as I got into my car, driving off to Ashley's house.
Maybe it was nerves, maybe it was the scars healing, but it seemed the cuts on my arms and inner thighs were itching more and more as I approached the turnoff to his house. Once I pulled into his driveway, I made sure my spare razor was tucked safely into one of my CD cases. I'd never know when I needed it.
I looked up to see Ashley running out of his house and jumping off his porch. He smiled as he approached my car.
"Hey Six." He said, grinning. I pushed my black hair back, feeling comfortable for once.
"Hey Purdy."
"You're the first one here." I smiled, knowing that'd give us time together. "Oh, here's Kina." Oh fucking Hell.
Kina is a cheerleader. Ashley plays football. Starting to sound familiar? Cliché? Exactly. They used to be fuck buddies. I sighed as she bounded out of her Corvette, her fake tits jiggling. Gross. I suddenly found interest in my phone and Ashley found interest in Kina. I looked in my book bag that was in the backseat. I had ear buds and music. I knew what I'd be doing tonight.
I followed them into Ash's backyard and sat in a chair, far away from them. I had my cigs in my lap and my feet were propped up on the patio table. I was humming along to From First to Last. I thought about how skinny I'd gotten in the past year, how unhappy I'd become. How broken I really was.
I'll admit it, I've been a cutter for a while, but bulimia was something new when it started a year ago. I barely eat. If I'm forced, it comes back up later. Water is my best friend, and so are crackers. Ashley knew I cut. He thought I stopped when I was in sophomore year. Now Ashley was a senior, and I'm a junior. To be honest, it's gotten worse.
I was knocked out of my world when one of my close friends, Jake, pulled the chair back, making me feel like I was falling. I was screaming, and everybody was doubling over in laughter. I pulled out my headphones. "Not funny, dude." I said, smiling.
"Oh, that was pretty hilarious." Ashley spoke up, a grin on his face. I just flipped him off.
For much of the rest of the night I was not left alone. Mainly due to Jake and Ashley. The made me participate in a dance off, chase after them, and even sing a long to pop songs with them. When Ashley's mom brought out the stuff for s'mores, that's when the party went downhill.
We were by the fire that had been going since about an hour after I'd gotten there. Jake was telling stories of Slendy and he was on my lap. He was squishing my penis, but oh well. He didn't care. CC was on Jinxx, complaining about being scared, and Kina was on Ashley. I could hear Ashley mumbling something to her. Soon, they were making out.
"Jake, let me up." I said, pushing him on the ground. "I'm out of here." I waved goodbye, my voice was wavering. I was on the verge of tears.
"Bye Andy!" A chorus of voices rang out. Fuck them.
I was crying by the time I got back onto the main road. I knew it wasn't safe to drive like this, but I drove out to the bluffs. There were quite a few nature trails, and I liked coming out there to cool down. It's where Ashley and I used to play as kids, before I moved like ten minutes away. There were quite a few fallen trees, and I sat on one of them looking out into the darkness. I had a knife with me, I wasn't stupid, but it just wouldn't be used for protection. Knives cut better.
I rolled up my left sleeve, the tears were falling freely now. I thought about how happy I used to be, how I wished I could feel like that for one day. I let the knife flow across my skin. It burned for a second, and soon crimson seeped out of the wound. I played with it a bit before I added another. This time I was insulting myself.
"Useless." I muttered, slashing down three times.
"No one will love you." I added five for my past relationships, two for Ashley.
Soon I stopped, and went to my car. I got a towel out and wrapped it around my bleeding arm. It would clot soon. I was crying and soon, I fell asleep in the woods.
I awoke to the bright sunlight peaking through the tall trees. It was six in the morning according to my phone and I had a missed call from mom and a text from Ashley saying he covered for me. That mom thought I stayed at his house. I knew mom would be at work, so I went home and took a shower.
The warm water was relaxing, and I couldn't help but let out a moan as my back muscles unknotted.  I washed my hair, then my face. I let the water rinse off the dried blood on my arm. Soon, I got out. I wrapped a nice fluffy, white towel around my waist and headed to my room. I through it in the floor and pulled on some boxers and sweatpants, and of course another long sleeved shirt. I made sure my right arm matched my left arm before I did anything else.
I put my phone on charge, and fell back asleep.
"Andy. Please wake up." I heard Ashley sob. I moved around a bit, my bed didn't feel like my bed. I opened my eyes to a blindingly white room. I knew immediately what had happened, and started crying.
"I.. I didn't mean too, Ash." I sobbed.
Ashley got up from his spot beside my hospital bed. He walked out of the room, leaving me here. I continued to sob.
From what I guessed to be an hour, Ashley came back. He was silent, and there were a billion things I wanted to say to him, but he hushed me when he gave me a folded piece of notebook paper and kissed my wrist. He left again.
  With tearstained cheeks I read the note.
        "Dear Andy," It read.
  "You're my best friend, and I know you like me. I can't be gay, even though I like you back. I'm going to have to ask you don't hang around me that often. Almost losing you.. Andy, I cried the whole time you were out. That was a while. I love you, Outcast. You're gonna go far. You're gonna overcome this.
        Xx Outlaw"
I crumpled it and threw it at the door. When I got out of this place, I wasn't coming back. Ever.
Time lapse.
    Ashley's POV.
   I swallowed the lump in my throat as I walked up the aisle. Andy's frozen body lay in the coffin. Tears fell down like a waterfall from my eyes.
   When I faced everybody, I couldn't say the words I had on my paper. They just started spewing from my lips.
   "Here I am, standing in front of my sixteen year old best friend. He cut his own life short because of me, and I'm an idiot."

That's all I could say. I had to get out. I ran. I ran out of the funeral home until I got to my house. Then I screamed. I couldn't stop screaming. I had to get it out of my system. Someway. That's when I thought of it. The bluffs. I ran.
   When I got there, I swear I saw him. I saw Andy. Andy had his arm reached out for me, and I took it.
   "Don't do it." He said. "Get out of here. Start a band. Do something. Don't do it."
    "No, Andy. No." I smiled a wicked smile, and jumped.
As I fell, I thought about my life and how short it was. How I was the cause of my best friend's death, and now he was the cause of mine. Would this make it even? No, I knew it wouldn't, but I couldn't tackle the world without him.
When I hit the rocks below, it was painful. There was no pain, and then it was over. It was there was pain, then more pain, then more pain. Was I in Hell? No way.

  AND ANOTHER TIME LAPSE.
As it turns out, my suicide attempt didn't work. They put me in a psychiatric ward, and I'm on so many different medications. I can't breathe. Apparently when I went home, I tried not only to kill myself, but my parents too. I don't remember.
  All I know is sometimes, when I'm a good boy Andy comes and sees me. He tells me he loves me and that he'll wait for me. I know he will because he never lies.